Grocery Store Shenanigans

Or was it tomfoolery? It was something alright. In a previous post I wrote about how you can make grocery shopping ‘fun’, or make it into a competition or game. And before you know it, you might think of grocery shopping in a less onerous light. You might even look forward to it. Yeah right.

Well, unless you are severely delusional or on some really good meds, it is safe to say that shopping for groceries ranks right up there with going to the dentist. Sorry Dr. Fescica, you are an amazing dentist for our family and I hope you don’t retire until after I’m dead but the old adage is true, ‘it is what it is’…unless I get the laughing gas even for a cleaning, I’m not excited about sitting in that chair, fully reclined with the sunglasses on, with my fingers and toes clenched, drool collecting in my mouth, and trying to think of my happy place while my teeth are sandblasted of their tarter….or is is tartar…fish sticks amyone?

But this story is not about the dentist is it? No, sticking to the script here and staying on task, let’s return to the exhorbitantlly overpriced aisles of our local grocery store, Loblaws. Where you go in with $200 to spend and come out with enough food for 2 dinners for that week for your family of 5. Ugh.

So I was shopping there recently and was reminded of just how much I abhor, detest, loathe (bear with me, using a new thesaurus here and it is ‘good’) this shopping experience. Obviously I have not been drinking the kool-aid (because even that it too expensive these days) and listening to my advice on grocery shopping from the aforementioned post. Because if I had, I would have just laughed it off and carried on with my day in a footloose and fancy free way.

Let me elaborate. Lately when I have been shopping, I have noticed a new habit forming that concerns me. Similar to forgetting where you have parked your car in a parking garage, I have had similar confusion and bewilderment locating my shopping cart in the store. That’s right, I lose track of where I leave my cart when I take little forays down various aisles looking for products that have been re-located by the powers that be. Damn those powers that be!

If done properly, these little sorties down the aisles should be ninja like – hunting and gathering done in an efficient and surgical manner. You simply return to your cart while avoiding eye contact with any of your fellow shoppers, drop the item or items in your cart, and then you carry on your mission. Yay efficiency! This method is foolproof, providing you don’t lose track of your cart.

But, on this recent misadventure to Loblaw’s, I encountered the double whammy. The dreaded double whammy. On this particular occasion, I had performed what I thought was the perfect execution of this manevour; I left my cart, I glided down an aisle, picked up a package of Bear Paws (the strawberry ones with the vanilla icing) and returned to my cart – or what I thought was my cart – and moved on. I made a few more trips down some key aisles – dropped a few more items in the cart and was generally feeling smug about my shopping prowess. And then things started to unravel for me.

As I was taking a momentary break, standing beside my cart, I noticed with my peripheral vision a woman standing…no, more like lurking over my cart. My first thought was ugh…can you just walk around my cart while I am enjoying my inner peace? Or…was my cart in the way of her being able to reach over into a refrigerated bin so that she could retrieve her precious container of yogurt?

In true gentleman’s fashion, I said..”Oh sorry, let me move my cart out of the way for you”… And the reply I got was colder than the walk in freezer with hanging slabs of beef that Rocky Balboa used to spar with. She curtly replied….”That’s MY cart”. Ouch. OK. Wow, someone must be having a case of the Monday’s.

Sheepishly, because I felt baaaaaaaad, I apologised profusely, made a lame comment along the lines of “sorry, it;s been a long day and/or ‘I must be losing my mind’ ….nothing like a dose of self deprecation to disarm the dour disposition of Debbie downer. I’ll take alliteration for $500 Alex…but this was in vain as Debbie seemed to become increasingly territorial with her precious cart. I got the message and took the ‘L’. Remember Al, not everyone has to like you!

As I tucked my tail between my legs and went off in search of my cart. I couldn’t help but think that the woman’s response was inappropriate and over the top. Hey it was a mistake. But the more I thought about it, I suddenly realized to my horror, that I had probably been pushing her cart around for several minutes prior to that thinking it was mine. No wonder she was pissed off. And to make matters worse, she now had my Bear Paws too!

She had every right to think that I had escaped from the memory unit of a local nursing home. In fact, I am surprised she didn’t grab my wrist looking for an ID bracelet so she could contact the store’s security to let them know she had found the missing Al MacVicar from Shady Acres.

For the rest of my time spent in the store, it only became more painful. Every aisle I needed to be in the woman was also in the same aisle. It was uncanny, as if we had the same shopping list and were getting the same items in the same order.

When it came time to check out, I made sure I picked a different cashier from the ice queen. I was so relieved to finally leave the store and in what I consider a win, did find my own parked car on the first try. Maybe there is hope for me?

But perhaps in the future, I should try to attach a big ribbon on my shopping cart or a colourful bandana like you would on a piece of luggage. Maybe I should attach a flexible rubber cord around my wrist and attach it to the shopping cart handle….similar to a parent of a young child so they don’t wander away. Ah, the Golden Years are here my friends.

Well, I hope this is another cautionary tale for you and you learn from me. May your future trips to the grocery store be fruitful…especially if you get reasonably priced strawberries, blueberries, and apples. And remember, never lose sight of your cart, and if you do you can think of me. Thanks for reading!